Engineers VS Architects

Been thinkin' a lot about the way thing are.

Primary school

....... secondary school

................ college

.....................work

Then we have to cast our own moulds into the pot to subject them to the same mundane routine.

I've often been asked what I want from life, what is it that I'm looking for that will make all of it seem like it just wasn't a big waste of my time. Sometimes that is what school seems like to me. We all sit and expect everyone to take the path we've taken in order to get the accolades we're getting.

I've never been good at managing personalities. Some people find it easy to play the game, many have been taught from childhood BUT my mother will tell you, when I was growing up if I didn't have anything to say to you, I didn't say anything. No schmoozing, small talk, how's-the-weather nonsense. So when it came to dealing with 4-5 grown ass men with teeny tiny penises ( ) and each semester I had a difficult time with it. Catering to each one to get them to believe that I was totally worth a superconfabulous grade. I could try for the first two semesters, but after that I was worn the fuck out!

Dancing to the same music as everyone else has never been appealing to me. I don't want the house with a white pickett fence. I don't want to have a pet and 2 kids (don't want any kids at all, but that is quite beside the point) and the only reason I have a 9-5 is so that I can live. Clawing my way up some corporate ladder in a dishwater grey suit with my hair straightened, my lips reddened and my legs shaved... ugh! How people do it, I've never really understood.

I think it's part of the reason why I like fantasy novels. Here is another world described in loud living color, where people spend their days in the pursuit of things that fulfill them, whatever they may be. I got sucked into Octavia Butler's "Seed to Harvest" and while it severly offended my feminist sensibilities, I enjoyed every sweet word.

I'm still on the quest to find out what I really want to do and who I really want to be. In the meantime I guess being a PE will have to do. Let me go redden my lips for the afternoon shift.

*sigh*